What is Mom Guilt and Why Do Modern Moms Struggle With It More Than Ever?
Mom guilt is the feeling moms get when they worry about their choices, which is often caused by pressure, expectations, and the demands of parenting.
Mom guilt is something many mothers feel, and it can show up at every stage of a child’s life. I’ve felt it myself, especially in the early days of being a new mom.
I still remember the first time I forgot to change my newborn’s diaper, and 6 hours went by before I noticed. Even though I was exhausted from a lack of sleep, I couldn’t shake the guilt I felt.
Moments like that can make you second-guess yourself as a parent, even when you know you’re doing your best. I believe this is an important topic to talk about, so below I share insights to help manage mom guilt and increase your confidence in your parenting journey.
What is Mom Guilt?
Guilt is a feeling we get when we think we’ve done something wrong or let someone down. Mom guilt is a type of guilt that focuses on being a mom. It often comes from the roles and expectations we set for ourselves, the messages we get from others, or even the comments people make about our parenting.
Mom guilt is very personal and can feel different for every mom.
One mom might think, “I shouldn’t let my kids watch TV so much,” while another worries, “Am I spending enough time with them?” Some even feel guilty for taking a break: “I can’t relax. I should be doing something for my kids.”
What makes one mother feel guilty might not bother another at all. It’s a subjective feeling, but it can still weigh heavily on our hearts and minds.
Why Modern Moms Struggle More with Mom Guilt
Modern moms struggle more with mom guilt because research shows they face both unrealistic societal expectations and the daily challenges of parenting. The “motherhood myth” sets an impossible standard of the “perfect mom” (1).
On top of that, mothers deal with real-life struggles like breastfeeding difficulties, feeling overly responsible for their child, balancing personal needs with parenting, and managing many tasks and emotions. Even the deep connection they feel to their children, which is usually positive, can sometimes make guilt worse.
This experience can be stressful, and it’s ironic that even though we do so much already, we can still feel guilty. That said, it’s important to be aware of it so we can better understand ourselves and find healthy ways to cope.
How Mom Guilt Affects You as a Parent
I cannot emphasize enough how mom guilt can quietly creep in and make you overthink everything. Even small mistakes can start to feel huge, and before you know it, your mind is racing with “What ifs?” and “I should have…” statements.
Research shows that guilt isn’t just a mental feeling — it also affects your body. For example, guilt can cause your stomach to feel unsettled and your body to respond in ways that reflect stress (2).
What this means for moms is that guilt can affect not only your thoughts but also your energy, focus, and how you respond to your child. It can make you second-guess decisions.
The more we ruminate on these feelings, the more likely we are to be at risk for anxiety.
But if we stop and really ask ourselves, “Is it worth continuing this cycle of guilt and overthinking?” we can start to imagine what the future might look like if we keep going down this path.
Signs You Might Be Experiencing Mom Guilt
Mom guilt can sneak up on you and show itself in subtle ways. Some common mom guilt symptoms include constantly feeling like you’re doing something wrong, struggling to fully enjoy time with your children, or always having a long list of tasks but feeling like you’re barely keeping up.
You might feel like you’re trying to balance parenting, work, household chores, and everything else life throws at you.
I’ve felt this myself while working from home. Sometimes, when I’m playing with my baby, my mind drifts to unfinished work tasks. Then, when I’m working, I find myself thinking about my baby and feeling guilty for not being fully present.
Mom guilt can also show up as overthinking every parenting decision, whether it’s what to feed your child, how much screen time to allow, or wondering if you were too firm during a tantrum.
How to Deal with Mom Guilt
If there’s one thing I’ve learned on my own motherhood journey, it’s that mom guilt never fully disappears, but it doesn’t have to control you or your relationship with your child. What helps is learning how to manage it in healthy ways.
Below is a list of things to keep in mind when mom guilt starts to creep in. And perhaps the most important reminder of all is to be kind to yourself.
Acknowledge the feeling
Don’t try to shove mom guilt down or pretend it isn’t there. Give yourself a moment to reflect and ask honest questions: What exactly am I feeling guilty about? Is this a one-time thing or a pattern? Would my child actually be harmed by this?
Try imagining you’re talking to a good friend. What kind, fair questions would you ask her? Treat yourself with that same kindness. Do this reflection when you’re calm and reasonably well-rested so you can think clearly and get real insight instead of reacting from a place of exhaustion.
Reframe your thinking
Reframing means changing the way you look at a situation so that you focus on what’s true and helpful — not just what triggers guilt.
For example, I ended my breastfeeding journey much earlier than I had planned. It wasn’t my fault. It just happened despite my best efforts. At first, I felt guilty and kept thinking I had let my baby down.
But then I started to reframe my thinking. I reminded myself that I was still giving my child the best nutrition possible. Not breastmilk, but the top milk formula recommended by our pediatrician. I could see in real life that my child was growing well, healthy, and thriving.
And beyond nutrition, I realized I was nurturing him in so many other ways. I gave him love, attention, play, and emotional care. Those things, I believe, go far beyond what any milk can provide.
Set realistic expectations
One way to ease mom guilt is to take a step back and look at everything you’re trying to do. If it helps, make a list of tasks and responsibilities, both big and small. Seeing it all on paper can help you realize that you don’t have to do everything perfectly, all at once.
For example, you might notice that today you only have time to prep a simple dinner instead of a homemade meal, or that laundry didn’t get folded. That’s okay. Prioritizing what’s most important and letting other things wait doesn’t mean you’re failing.
Talk about it
When it comes to managing mom guilt, talking about your feelings can be very helpful, but it’s important to be intentional about it.
Choose carefully whom you share your struggles with, because not everyone will respond in a supportive way. Some people may push their own beliefs or judgment onto you, which can actually make guilt worse.
Start by talking to someone who truly understands your situation. Often, this is your partner, who is with you day-to-day and can offer reassurance. Friends or family who are empathetic can also be a safe space to share.
And if the guilt feels overwhelming or persistent, don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional, like a therapist, who can help you process your feelings and develop coping strategies.
Don’t compare yourself to other moms
Comparison is the enemy of confidence and peace of mind. Personally, I try to steer away from comparing myself to other moms. Even before I had a child, I noticed that when I measured myself against others, it never felt good. It only made me feel inadequate.
Instead of comparing yourself to other moms, focus on your own journey and growth. Look at your progress, the solutions you’re finding, and the positive choices you’re making.
For example, rather than feeling guilty because another mom is able to cook elaborate meals every day, you can celebrate that you’ve found a healthy, practical routine that works for your family.
Concentrate on what’s working and the ways you are nurturing your child.
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion means being kind and understanding toward yourself, especially when things feel difficult or when you make mistakes. It’s about treating yourself like you would a good friend.
Research shows that parents who practice self-compassion can handle stressful situations more calmly (3). Some ways to practice self-compassion include reminding yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect, celebrating small wins, like finishing a chore or spending quality time with your child.
Focus on your strengths
Ask yourself: What am I really good at as a mom? Maybe you’re great at making your child laugh, keeping the house clean and organized for the whole family, or creating tiny moments of connection that make your child feel loved.
It’s really helpful to pause and appreciate these everyday things. You might take them for granted, thinking everyone does them or that they’re just expected, but they actually make a big difference.
Honing in on these meaningful strengths can remind you that you’re already doing so much right.
The Takeaway
I hope this article has given you some positive vibes today and reminded you that feeling guilty is a very human experience. It doesn’t mean you’re failing as a mom.
If these feelings persist or you feel overwhelming despite your efforts, it may be a sign to seek professional help. Remember, none of us have to face parenthood alone. Let’s continue to support each other. You’re doing more than you realize, and that matters!
Frequently Asked Questions
Is mom guilt normal?
Yes. Feeling guilty as a mom is completely normal. It’s a sign that you care deeply about your child and want to do your best. Almost every parent experiences these feelings at some point, and acknowledging them is the first step toward managing them in a healthy way.
Does mom guilt ever go away?
Mom guilt doesn’t always disappear completely, but it doesn’t have to control you or your relationship with your child. With self-reflection, kindness toward yourself, and focusing on your strengths, you can reduce its impact.
Sources:
- Constantinou, G., Varela, S., & Buckby, B. (2021). Reviewing the experiences of maternal guilt - the "Motherhood Myth" influence. Health care for women international, 42(4-6), 852–876. https://doi.org/10.1080/07399332.2020.1835917
- Stewart, C. A., Mitchell, D. G., MacDonald, P. A., Pasternak, S. H., Tremblay, P. F., & Finger, E. (2023). The psychophysiology of guilt in healthy adults. Cognitive, Affective & Behavioral Neuroscience, 23(4), 1192. https://doi.org/10.3758/s13415-023-01079-3
- Psychogiou, L., Legge, K., Parry, E., Mann, J., Nath, S., Ford, T., & Kuyken, W. (2016). Self-Compassion and Parenting in Mothers and Fathers with Depression. Mindfulness, 7, 896–908. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-016-0528-6