Baby Won’t Sleep Unless Being Held? Common Reasons and What to Do
Being held feels safe to babies, but swaddling, soothing sounds, and crib practice naps can help them adapt.
Bringing home a new baby is exciting, but it can also feel exhausting — especially when your little one refuses to sleep unless they’re in your arms.
After all, your baby just spent months in the warm, secure world of the womb, and being close to you helps them feel safe as they adjust to life outside.
I remember when my husband and I first brought our baby home. We were overjoyed to finally hold our little one, but I was also recovering from a long labor and needed rest myself. My husband, who had been my rock through delivery, also needed sleep after supporting me day and night.
Like many new parents, we quickly learned how challenging it can be when your baby will only settle while being held.
If your baby only sleeps when held, you’re not alone. This article will explore why it happens, gentle ways to encourage independent sleep, and when to seek extra support.
Why Does My Baby Only Sleep When Held?
It’s completely normal for newborns to prefer sleeping in your arms. In the first 12 weeks of life — often called the fourth trimester — babies are still adjusting to life outside the womb.
For nine months, they were surrounded by warmth, steady sounds of a heartbeat, and the comfort of constant closeness. Being held feels familiar and safe to them.
Your baby also has a limited ability to regulate their body temperature, which means they can lose heat quickly. When you hold your baby close — especially during skin-to-skin contact — you help keep them warm and stable.
Skin-to-skin also has other calming effects. It can help steady your baby’s heart rate, breathing, and even their blood sugar levels (1). On top of that, your touch reassures them that they are not alone.
So if your newborn only settles when they’re in your arms, remember that this is a normal stage of development. Your closeness is comforting and helps them feel secure as they adjust to their new world.
How to Get Your Baby to Sleep Without Being Held
You can gently introduce small changes that help them feel secure enough to rest on their own. Here are some simple, comforting strategies you can try:
Understand what’s normal for your baby’s age
Every baby’s sleep pattern looks different, and it’s important to remember that frequent waking is completely expected — especially in the first few months.
Newborns, for example, may only sleep in short stretches because their tiny stomachs need to be refilled often. As babies grow, they gradually begin to consolidate sleep and stay asleep for longer periods.
Another helpful way to set realistic expectations is by paying attention to wake windows. These are the stretches of time your baby can comfortably stay awake between naps.
Wake windows vary by age: for example, newborns may only manage 45 minutes to an hour, while by around 4 months old, babies can often stay awake for about 1.5 to 2 hours before needing rest.
Following wake windows makes it easier to recognize when your baby is ready for sleep, helps reduce crankiness from overtiredness, and supports smoother transitions to naps and bedtime.
Swaddling
Swaddling is the practice of wrapping your baby snugly in a lightweight blanket to help them feel secure. It mimics the cozy environment of the womb and can calm an infant’s startle reflex, which often wakes them up.
For many babies, swaddling provides comfort, reduces fussiness, and promotes longer, more restful sleep (2).
When swaddling, always do so safely — keep the blanket away from your baby’s face, make sure it’s not too tight around the chest, and allow room for healthy hip movement.
Most experts recommend stopping swaddling around 2 months old or as soon as your baby shows signs of rolling over, since a swaddled baby who can roll may not be able to safely reposition themselves.
Use white noise or gentle shushing
I wish I had discovered white noise sooner. It’s such a simple tool that can make a big difference. White noise is basically a steady background sound that mimics the rhythmic noises your baby heard in the womb.
I eventually found a sound machine that plays calming sounds like rain, ocean waves, and even bird calls, and it worked wonders in helping my baby relax and drift off.
Along with white noise, gentle shushing can be just as effective. For example, leaning close and softly making a “shhh, shhh” sound in your baby’s ear can be soothing, almost like a reminder of the steady whooshing they were used to before birth.
Both options help block out sudden noises and create a consistent, comforting environment for sleep.
Help your baby recognize sleep time
Doing the same calming activities each night — like dimming the lights, singing a lullaby, or sharing a short story — lets your baby know that bedtime is coming.
In my experience, giving my baby a warm bath has been the perfect cue. It helps him relax, and over time, he’s come to associate bath time with getting ready for sleep.
Practice daytime naps in the crib, little by little
You don’t have to make the change all at once. Start by placing your baby in their crib for just one nap a day, even if it only lasts a short while. Over time, as your baby becomes more comfortable, you can slowly increase the number of naps they take in the crib.
Keep in mind that progress may be uneven — some days will go smoothly, and others may feel more challenging. That’s perfectly normal. The goal is to build familiarity and a sense of security so your baby begins to associate their crib with comfort and rest.
Lay your baby down when they’re sleepy, but awake
Placing your baby in their crib when they’re drowsy, but not fully asleep, gives them the chance to practice drifting off on their own.
Drowsy means your baby is showing signs that they’re ready for sleep, such as rubbing their eyes, yawning, slowing their movements, or having heavy eyelids. At this stage, they’re relaxed and on the verge of sleep, but still awake enough to notice their surroundings.
Add a few extra cuddles before sleep time
Babies thrive on closeness, and a little extra snuggling before you put them down can go a long way. I’ve found that my baby especially enjoys this time, whether it’s rocking, holding, or just a few quiet moments together; it helps him feel safe and ready for sleep.
Beyond helping with bedtime, these small acts of connection also strengthen the parent-child bond. In fact, research shows that consistent comfort and responsiveness support positive attachment, which lays the foundation for healthy emotional development as your baby grows (3).
When to Stop Holding Your Baby to Sleep?
There’s no set age — you don’t have to stop unless it’s no longer working for you. Many newborns need lots of holding, and responding to them builds comfort and trust.
If you’re feeling too tired or need more flexibility, you can start making small changes, like laying your baby down drowsy but awake and adding a relaxing crib practice.
Your baby’s circadian rhythm, or their internal day–night clock also takes time to mature. In the first 2–3 months, it’s normal for sleep to be irregular and contact-heavy, but by around 3–4 months, their rhythm begins to settle.
Simple routines, like keeping days bright and nights calm and dim, can help your baby adjust to sleeping more independently.
When to Seek Help
There are moments when reaching out for support is the best choice, for both you and your baby. Consider talking with your pediatrician if your baby seems unusually fussy, uncomfortable, in pain during sleep, or if sleep challenges are so overwhelming that they affect your well-being or ability to cope.
Takeaways
If your baby only sleeps when held, you’re not alone, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. In the early weeks, babies naturally crave closeness as they adjust to life outside the womb.
Over time, small steps like crib naps, and consistent bedtime cues can help them learn to rest on their own. And if sleep ever feels overwhelming, support from a pediatrician or sleep consultant is always available.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it normal if my newborn won’t sleep unless held?
Yes. In the first few months, babies often need to be held because closeness feels safe and familiar. This is part of their adjustment to life outside the womb.
How long will my newborn need to be held to sleep?
Most babies start showing signs of settling into more independent sleep around 3–4 months, as their circadian rhythm matures. But the exact timing varies — some need extra contact for longer, and that’s okay.
Can holding my baby too much spoil them?
No. Research shows you cannot spoil a newborn by holding them. Comforting your baby builds trust and a strong bond, which supports healthy emotional development.
Should I let my newborn cry it out if they won’t sleep without being held?
Cry it out method is not advisable in the newborn stage. Young babies cry to communicate needs, not to manipulate. Gentle soothing and responsiveness are best in the early months. As they grow, you can introduce gradual techniques to encourage more independent sleep.
Sources:
- Widström, M., Brimdyr, K., Svensson, K., Cadwell, K., & Nissen, E. (2019). Skin‐to‐skin contact the first hour after birth, underlying implications and clinical practice. Acta Paediatrica (Oslo, Norway : 1992), 108(7), 1192. https://doi.org/10.1111/apa.14754
- Nelson A. M. (2017). Risks and Benefits of Swaddling Healthy Infants: An Integrative Review. MCN. The American journal of maternal child nursing, 42(4), 216–225. https://doi.org/10.1097/NMC.0000000000000344
- Mindell, J. A., & Williamson, A. A. (2017). Benefits of a bedtime routine in young children: Sleep, development, and beyond. Sleep Medicine Reviews, 40, 93. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.smrv.2017.10.007